September 04, 2005

Alien Angel Theory or My Rant on Intelligent Design

I know, I would be better off asking why are Christians offended by most of what I think.

Seriously, why is it so difficult, when so many of them claim they want Intelligent Design taught in schools, to forward the thought of aliens starting this planet instead of a God. (I see it as a blatant attempt to recruit the young into their service since they've had no luck with the parents.)

Let's think about the requirements for God:
1) All powerful
2) all knowing
3) creator of the universe (at least to Christians).

Well, that translates to someone with years of experience in dogma to understand it as - someone more powerful than humans. Remember, Egyptians believed their pharaohs to be gods on earth because they were so powerful and Romans defied those they felt most worthy. In history, it is humans that decide who God is, not vice versa as evident by God creating man in his own image - most good Gods are, historically, in the human image. It makes it more comfortable for the humans in question.

So, based on that understanding, couldn't an alien race, millions of years old, have made the earth? (Lets leave out the universe or I'll launch into my creatures of darkness that existed before creatures of light tirade and how, since the creatures of light insist on encroaching on the creatures of darkness land, we're left in the middle of a battle that has existed since the beginning.) I mean going on what Bible Thumpers choose to believe, the Earth is only 6,000 years old (or about as old as the first writing, cuneiform, became widely used.) So, by that belief, it is possible that aliens mucked about and made the earth and all the things on it since the only requirement for God is that s/he be able to do things that fall outside of human understanding and seem more powerful. I'm sure when westerners come across lost tribes in the Amazon, they seem very much like gods with their guns and aspirin and speaking a language the natives don't understand on walkie talkies. If I didn't know better, I'd start trippin'.

So why is the alien angel theory so hard to grasp? I suppose, like most scientific explanations it's an attempt to explain the world around us and that, in and of itself, is an affront to religion. But then so was practical medicine(you know, the non-leech kind), astronomy, meteorology, and most sciences at one time or another. I guess anytime anyone has a theory that encroaches on the territory the Christians feel belong to the Almighty, people get scared.

After all, when you are the only animal on the planet with the capability to wonder and reason (not that the latter has been used much recently), you tend flee to the safety of belief, no matter how misguided it is. I don't think other members of the Great Ape family have these kinds of discussion as they are probably too worried about extinction to give a crap.

My idea that if Intelligent Design is to be taught along side Evolution in classrooms, then the alien angel theory is just as valid as the Christian Creation Myth (and every culture has a creation myth, the Christian one is just most popular to the people with the guns at this point) and the alien angel theory should be the one taught. That or ALL creation myths should be taught, then the kids will have a great selection to choose from.

After all, isn’t that what the Intelligent Design argument is about, to give the kids the right to choose what they will accept as scientific fact? Next year, I think that we should discuss the possibility of whether it is gravity holding us in place or Big Rubber Bands.

And before the three Christians that read this blog waylay me with the typical Christian BS questions that are just as rhetorical for their faith as they are for my science, I will say it is no more ludicrous to believe aliens interfered with our supposed creation than it is for one all-powerful being. Faith belongs in church, science in school. When I am invited to teach evolution to a Sunday school class (and I mean TEACH it, not be invited for a Christian Inquisition questioning my faith) then Intelligent Design can be allowed in school. As it is, having substitute taught in a rural school I can tell you I had to defend myself to many students and teachers in it just by being a scientist. Just by having the degree.

I will relate my experience with a fundamentalist that taught science at the middle school where I taught. Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?

My FIRST full day of teaching, she interrupted my class (and continued to do so throughout the day) to ask me my religion (I said I was raised Christian in the hopes she would go away) and my degree (Environmental Geology.) I thought that these two things would satisfy her enough to return to her class and stay there. They did not.

Instead, she kept annoying me with questions like: How do you explain the Garden of Eden? Sodom and Gomorra (sp?)? and a number of other religious "facts" she had from the Bible (she left her own class frequently to do this.) She became increasingly irritated (but stayed outwardly cheerful, a cunning disguise) when I could come up with a creative answer for each of her questions (I am, after all, a writer.)

Apparently saving my soul was more important than teaching class. When I finally asked how she managed Evolution, she snorted disgustedly and said, "Well I tell them SOME people believe it."

Well color me paranoid but I believe the inference is that the most ignorant among us believe evolution. Evolution, a proven scientific theory. You know why respected scientists don’t go on talk shows to argue the point with fundamentalists? Because talking over your rival and making snarky comments about religion is considered poor form. The scientist is considered as open to discuss as his topic including some very personal, judgmental remarks. Which result in huge ratings. In my opinion these debates only make the show and the fundamentalist look bad.

Is that a course taught in church by the way? Don’t let the opponent get a word in edgewise else you may be damned as well. For the Christians of the crowd who have trouble with this, a debate is a forum in which ideas and rivalries are discussed CIVILLY. Talking over your opponent and making horrible personal remarks about character ARE NOT part of a debate. They are the basest form of debauchery and will surely land you in Hell, next to the people that talk in movie theaters.

Of course, the day culminated into an invitation to attend her church (Blood of the Sacred Lamb or some such nonsense) and how much my husband and I would enjoy it. Now, the entirety of her conversation with me was inappropriate for the work setting and I don’t care how you define inappropriate. Additionally she left her students (which it frightens me that they see her as an authority figure) to try to save my soul. Am I the only one concerned that her religious fervor is more important than her duty to her students? I guess this is one of those fringe benefits teachers are always talking about.

Look, to anyone who is Christian and reads this blog, atheists have no mandate to convert you. It is not a personal attack on you that a person does not believe in God or, rather, your God as it seems nowadays to have faith isn’t enough. Anymore it seems that accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior isn’t enough unless your political beliefs fall in line with theirs.

And I have a perfect example. Outside the IHOP and we had a Christian in our group and three fundamentalist assholes decided that they needed to not only press their way into our conversation but also not leave UNTIL we changed our minds. We didn’t and all they succeeded in, which is probable what they wanted in the first place, was to make us uncomfortable enough to leave. They probably think it was because we felt guilty for our sinful lives. It wasn’t that. It was merely the pacifist response as opposed to going to jail for an altercation (which in the Bible Belt South means that the non-believers would have to come up with bail despite being harassed.) Next time this happens, which probably will, I’m calling a cop and telling them I fear for my personal safety. Because, bluntly, when you’ve been told no thank you more than three times, you should go away. It crosses the harassment line. I know telemarketers that aren’t that persistent.

But I see at least in my home state of Kansas that the fundamentalists got their way with Intelligent Design. If I were a teacher, I would teach my own cooked up version of Intelligent Design with aliens. Then when the church people complained, I would be able to prove that they want creationism taught in PUBLIC SCHOOLS. Tax dollars shouldn’t pay for churches or religion. Period. And the Alien Angel theory is no more ludicrous than one based on a creator that made everything in six working days and the earth is only 6,000 years old. According to the same collection of documents, the world ended when I was in college. Look it up.

Believe whatever you the fuck want just don’t try to force your beliefs on me. Such an attempt can only end in a black eye because, frankly, I’m tired of trying to be nice about it. And it’s not a part of my belief system to be so. With the number of intolerant Christians running about, apparently it’s not a part of theirs either.

Posted by gmwood at September 4, 2005 11:40 AM
Comments