Bluff City's own local vampire hunting group is pulling up stakes and heading out. Fortunately they are not going too far. It seems the group has purchase land on the Island. As many are aware, the recent decline in the economy has led to more and more desperate acts by working locals. The latest is that supernatural bounty hunting has been on the rise. Many think they can just step into this job with a couple of stakes, a cross, some garlic, and holy water. The truth is it takes years to train a truly effective hunter. Many so called New Age Slayers are nothing more than armchair quarterbacks trying their hand at an exciting and lethal new career. The unfortunate result is that too many wind up seriously injured not by the supernatural prey they seek but by the police who rightly interfere with these self-styled vigilantes.
LEAVE THE HUNTING TO THE PROFESSIONALS!
The Bluff City Chronicle knows of several well-established hunting groups and can direct those with serious inquiries in that direction. If you truly have a supernatural problem contact the Chronicle with your complaint and we will direct it to the proper agency.
Who is really surprised? With Ms. Standford, the porn star, returning to her converted church home to film a new feature, Bluff City's own Bigfoot returned for a secret tryst with his buoyant lover. Ms. Standford's PR rep denies claims of a secret marriage between the beautiful star of GIVE IT TO ME QUICKLY AND MAKE IT ROUGH and her hirsute hunk as ridiculous. Yet several witnesses state they saw a furry bipedal individual lurking around Ms. Standford's home.
Of course, there is the possibility that the local yeti is stalking Ms. Standford, who is headlining at The Jiggle Joint Downtown. But the lack of police activity on this as well as the absence of any court records leads the BCC to believe that the two local celebrities are, in fact lovers.
The BCC will keep the public apprised of this situation.
Today City Workers received a dusty shock. Mummified remains were unearthed as the Civil Engineering Crew opened a paved city street to extend the far loop of the tracks, the City's latest improvement. Not much was made of the bandaged corpse other than the coroner speculating than it had been buried for more than twenty-five years.
KING TUT'S TOMB REVISITED?
Sources have told this writer that curses have befallen the men responsible for disturbing the mummy's grave. While none have actually dropped dead yet, many have suffered from inexplicable rashes that the local doctors called mystifying . In an effort to squelch rumors of the mummy's revenge, authorities attribute the breakouts they classified as mild to unfortunate run-ins with poison sumac, the more infectious of the poison ivy family. If this is true, why has a call been put in to the CDC and why have local businesses order more cases of oatmeal bath and calamine lotion?
The BCC intends to stay on top of this breaking story.