This evening a Sasquatch was seen exiting the STOP AND ROB on South Main drinking a large grape Slush Puppy. Could he be a famous movie star's latest squeeze? Find out today!
This is the fourth sighting in as many weeks of a Bigfoot in the downtown area. The large creatures generally do not come this close to civilization, but the promise of cool treats in this unusually muggy weather has been a draw recently.
It is believed that the seven foot hirsute giant may be carrying on an affair with a well-know local porn star in the area. When contacted, Ms. Standford's publicist replied with a terse, "No comment."
However, the Chronicle feels that the Bigfoot's frequent visits and close proximity to the star's downtown penthouse lends creedance to the rumors. All attempts to contact this particular Sasquatch have been unsuccessful but the Chronicle assures it's avid public that it will be kept posted as the situation develops.